The Residence
Posted: June 29, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: cocktail, Creole, food, Let's bro., manhattans, San Francisco Leave a comment »
To the naked breye (bro + eye) the Castro may appear to be a glitter filled wonderland of flamboyant gay menz, a flaming Mecca of queer scenery. Well, who the fuck are we kidding? It is. The Residence however, is not your typical Castro bar. While we love, and we mean LOVE, to get down and dirty with a cheap beer and whiskey shot, we also like to get a little classy on occasion (Gail not included). The Residence affords us this luxury, as they are purveyors of fine and fancy cocktails. To greet us at the bar was a list of 10 shining cocktails labeled “Manhattans and friends”. That’s right, at least 10 different varieties of the classic Manhattan. We ordered an assortment of these “friends”, none of which disappointed. Most of us here prefer a liquid dinner, but for those who also like food, they looked to be serving up some fine lookin’ Creole cuisine. You know, red beans and rice n’ shit. There are comfortable chairs in which to sit, as well a very eclectic décor, so if the people you came with leave you bored in your seat, there are plenty of things to catch your eye and keep things interesting. The wallpaper alone may provide a few hours of entertainment. The Residence is a great place to stop in for a tasty cocktail, however, unless you have an endless amount of fundage, you may want to move on to a more affordable alternative after 1 or 2.
If you liked any of what was said above, head over to 718 14th St (between Market St & Church St). I know that was a pretty lame closer, but fuck off; I’d rather be drinking.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 2/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 4/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 3/5 PBRs
Hotness: 3/5 PBRs
Music: 2/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 4/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 5/5 PBRs
Average: 3.6/5 PBRs
Lucky 13
Posted: June 28, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: cash-only, Castro, dive bar, dog-friendly, food, happy-hour, Market Street, PBR, San Francisco Leave a comment »
Trying to find a place with decent prices, outdoor seating, free snacks, a rad jukebox, a photo booth, AND pool is pretty much impossible in San Francisco; actually, it’s pretty fucking impossible anywhere. This glorious combination was found and we decided to sex it up, and thus a night at the Lucky 13 was birthed. Not only does this place provide all the luxuries otherwise missing in a typical bar, but you can also bring in your canine. Going to a bar where dogs are allowed is like being the grandparent to a little germ terminal. You can spoil the shit out of the little creature and not have to worry about cleaning up after it or listening to it whine later on. We coated our stomachs with some free popcorn and kicked back with a couple tall cans (PBR please). The patio closes fairly early because nobody wants to hear neighbors bitching about drunks being loud past 11pm, but you have several hours until then to be as loud as you want. There’s plenty of seating indoors as well. Hang out upstairs and look down upon the balding patterns of men from ages 21-67 or grab a stool at one of the tables downstairs. Either way, it’s a good spot with a good amount of wiggle room for those drunk zig-zag like walks to the bathroom. The selection of beer is extensive and the crowd is as mixed as Justin Bieber’s true sexuality. All and all, this place would do perfectly for a birthday extravaganza or just a few drinks after work. Grab some cash, steal a dog, and head down to 2140 Market Street.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 3/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 4/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 3/5 PBRs
Hotness: 3/5 PBRs
Music: 4/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 3/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 4/5 PBRs
Average: 3.7/5 PBRs
Churchill
Posted: June 23, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: Castro, cocktail, happy-hour, pool-table, swag Leave a comment »
Remember where those fucking atrocities called “The Transfer” and “Bar On Church (BOC)” used to be? Well, somebody opened Churchill there, and it’s a radical happy hour (or three) spot.
When you walk in, it’s totally redone in a World War II-type theme. Not overdone and cheesy, but tasteful. Dead center is a nicely-sized bar with an above-average selection of booze for your cocktail delight. To the left, there are a couple couches and quite a bit of open space. To the right, there are three tables against the windows facing Church, then a semi-private seating area right around the corner, and there’s a pool table and the bathrooms beyond that.
Now, drinks. As with any other bar that has a bunch of people and serves actual cocktails, you need to be patient. That said, we ordered our drinks; a couple of beers and Jacob had a Brooklyn Cocktail (his favorite drink in the whole world is a Brooklyn, but you just can’t seem to get those in the US anymore). Anyway, the beers were tasty and so was the Brooklyn Cocktail–just perfect for the start of our night. The crowd was easygoing, probably a little older (we figured that most of them had actual careers, which kind of scared us) than most of the places we go, but good times nevertheless.
Not a bad view of the F Line, either:
In a nutshell: if Churchill was a chickbro, we’d bang her on occasion but never think about getting too serious.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 3/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 4/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 5/5 PBRs
Hotness: 3/5 PBRs
Music: 3/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 2/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 4/5 PBRs
Average: 3.7/5 PBRs
Chelsea Place
Posted: June 4, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: cash-only, cocktail, David Lynch, dive bar, fireplace, San Francisco, Union Square Leave a comment »
If you like hanging out at a bar in Union Square that has okay drink prices, darts, and smells a little like old milk… Then we have the spot for you! Did we mention they have complimentary peanuts? No? Well it gets better. David Lynch fans will love the adventure to the bathroom. Take a journey down a long and dark staircase to the basement. There you will find a cavernous hallway with two chairs facing a dank wall for some real cold chillin’. The women’s bathroom comes with a padded door in case you freak the fuck out. Don’t worry, the wall size mirror is there to fix your hair after your hallucinations of a backwards talking midget have passed. They also will give you a free bag of freshly microwaved popcorn when you return to your seat! If you want a mellow spot with the friendliest bartenders around to hang out at, then add this place to your list.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 2/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 5/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 3/5 PBRs
Hotness: 2.5/5 PBRs
Music: 3.5/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 3/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 4/5 PBRs
Average: 3/5 PBRs
The Summer Place
Posted: June 3, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: cash-only, cocktail, fireplace, indoor-smoking, jukebox, pinball, San Francisco, Union Square Leave a comment »
The Summer Place was our first stop on our latest broscursion and while it isn’t yet summer in this City by the Bay, this bar isn’t a bad spot to start off your night. All of the seats have wheels, so you can easily and literally roll on up to the Avatar pinball machine for a game or two. Many of us smoke, so the fact that you CAN smoke and aren’t berated by San Francitizens requesting you be at least 25 feet away from anything on the ground was a nice break. That said, allergic to smoke? Well, this isn’t your place then. The Summer Place is a family owned business and you can tell they care by just how clean their bathroom is. Feel free to sit on the seat instead of hovering or drop a deuce and don’t worry too much about the water hitting your bum. There is only one bathroom in this not-so-spacious bar, so do your thang and get out quick. At $3.75 for a Bud Light, it’s likely to burn a hot hole in your wallet, but seeing the look on everyone’s face when you run into the sibling of an old bang buddy is well worth the extra coinage. We may or may not have had a member of our group run into before mentioned ex bang. We don’t kiss and tell though, so you’ll just have to use your imagination. There is a jukebox and a fireplace, so get your ass out of the house the next time it’s cold and dreary and bask in some warmth whilst drinking away your sorrow. All and all, not a rockin’ good time, but not so bad that we had to shotgun our beers and run out.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 2/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 5/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 4/5 PBRs
Hotness: 2.5/5 PBRs
Music: 3.5/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 2/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 3/5 PBRs
Average: 4/5 PBRs
The Tunnel Top
Posted: June 2, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: ATM, cash-only, DJ, Union Square, upstairs 1 Comment »
The Tunnel Top is one of those places that a local walks by and thinks, “I’ll bet that place is full of creepy European tourists dancing to oonce-oonce music; I’m not going in.” Our disdain for the potential sea of Diesel jeans and Puma jackets notwithstanding, we took a stroll up inside that bitch. Once inside, we were greeted with an odd mix of characters, ranging from locals (this is a locals bar?) to tourists, to people like us that live here and never really gave much thought to going into the place. When we first set our eyes on the bar and the bartender, paying $7 for a PBR seemed like it was guaranteed. Fortunately for us, that wasn’t the case–in fact, the prices there weren’t too bad. $3 for a cheap bottle of beer and $5 for a generously-poured shot of Jameson. We had a look around the downstairs and headed on up to the comfy couches on the mezzanine. This is where things started getting a little weird. And by “weird”, we mean “awesome.” What was once looking like it was going to be a relatively quiet night, went totally flip-mode into some serious dance/unsolicited karaoke throw down between us and a group of dude and chickbros that decided to join us. We won’t say who won, but Gail gave JBJ a run for his money when “Livin’ on a Prayer” came over the speakers. What we won’t tell is who was doing Shawty Snapz or who was stripper dancing on the couch. The DJ took us everywhere from some 30s jams to Bon Jovi to The Pharcyde (oddly enough, no Kanye) to Notorious BIG to Hall and Oates. All in all, a night that prompted one of us to admit they “felt like a wet sack.” If that’s not winning, we don’t know what is. If you want to have good dance times with a group, head on over to 601 Bush sometime after 9 PM and drop it like it’s hot, or whatever. Pro Tip: Bring your ID, because the door guy is an identification Nazi.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 4/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 3/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 3/5 PBRs
Hotness: 4/5 PBRs
Music: 4/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 2/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 4/5 PBRs
Average: 4/5 PBRs
Double Dutch
Posted: May 25, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: Hip Hop, Mission District Leave a comment »
(A Gaggle of Ghetto Blasters on the Wall.)
In San Francisco, it’s hard to find something or someone that doesn’t seem like it’s trying WAY too hard. The Double Dutch? No exception. While the wall of ghetto blasters and LED-encrusted sneakers are an appreciated touch, this place just seems like “whatever.” When we walked in, we noticed all types of kitschy late-80′s/early-90′s hip hop memorabilia, which we liked. We’re hip-hop fans and children of the 80′s; of course we liked it. Beyond that, there really wasn’t much to get all…How do you say?…hella hyphy about it. This bummed us out quite a bit, as we often romanticize about getting hyphy to the hella degree. After initial impressions, it was time to order a drink. We, being adept judges of macro brews, each ordered a can of Olympia; not a bad price at $3/each, not exactly the right price for most of us cheapskates, though (we like our cans of brew to be around $2/each). The bartender was cordial and speedy, we also recognized him as the guy that works at Bloodhound in SOMA sometimes. The space at the bar was ample, so we just decided to camp out there for the remainder of our drink whilst reminiscing about when hip hop was good (just kidding, we made fun each other instead) and taking in our surroundings. There has been talk about going back here at a later date, as it seems like more of a dance/DJ spot and we were there a little early. So, our 8:00 PM ratings of Double Dutch are as follows:
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 3.5/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 3/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 4/5 PBRs
Hotness: 2/5 PBRs
Music: 2/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 2/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 2/5 PBRs
Average: 3/5 PBRs
Elixir
Posted: May 20, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: cocktail, Elixir, Mission District 3 Comments »
With the Rapture right around the corner, we started out a mid-week Brocursion at Elixir in the hopes of being saved. Elixir touts itself as one of the oldest bars in SF, having served hella booze since 1858. The vibe inside was laid back, the perfect place to repent (or get your bromance on). The bartender was quite friendly and helped us pick out some of their specialty cocktails, which run around ten bones a piece. Our cocktails were pretty damn good, not the best we’ve ever had, but good. They also have a $3 can of Hamm’s available all the time. The crowd was a small mixed bag of sinners, not overly hip, but not un-cool. Overall, solid place with good cocktails. We would recommend hitting up Elixir before the End Times.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 3/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 4/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 3/5 PBRs
Hotness: 2/5 PBRs
Music: 3/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 2/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 3/5 PBRs
Average: 3/5 PBRs
The Attic
Posted: May 20, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: cash-only, dive bar, meh, Mission District, PBR, Roadhouse, San Francisco, Swayze, twss Leave a comment »
Our time at The Attic started off with Jacob looking at Gail and Matthew and saying, “You guys both came at the same time.”- this comment received a collective laugh and snort of disgust before trying to order our drinks. We say ‘trying to order’ because the bartender was a surly fuck, they were out of PBR (how does that happen?), and the Jack & Coke was 6 dollar billz, yo. This put a bit of a bad taste in our mouths, but we decided to ‘let it bro’ and get on with our night. On a busy night it is a pain in the ass to shimmy through the narrow entrance where bar and wall leave you little space, but once you get to the back you have some tables & booths at your disposal. Music is pretty rad, and let’s be honest, this isn’t a bad place to go if you are trying to find your future bang maid. The dark lighting allows for even the lesser attractive bar dwellers to look like Swayze circa Roadhouse (RIP). Not our favorite spot, but certainly has more attitude than many others. You can find this place at 3336 24th St.
Hey Cool Kids, don’t forget to drink the Cool Aid.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 2/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 2/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 2/5 PBRs
Hotness: 4/5 PBRs
Music: 4/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 2/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 2/5 PBRs
Average: 3/5 PBRs
The Napper Tandy
Posted: May 19, 2011 Filed under: review | Tags: food, meh, Mission, Mission District, pool-table 1 Comment »
(This photo is almost as forgettable as the bar that it was taken in.)
We’re not sure if this bar has a slogan, but if it doesn’t, we recommend “The Abyss of Mediocrity”. We can’t remember the last time we encountered something this forgettable. You see what we did there? From the second we walked in, this place just reeked of average. Average booze, averagely high prices, averagely bad looking people (except us, of course), average bartender. You get the point. There’s nothing wrong with this bar, there just isn’t anything right about it, either.
Oh, the Napper Tandy has food as well–that actually looked decent, but we were so busy trying to finish up and go somewhere that wasn’t the Chris Bosh of Irish pubs that we didn’t stick around to try it. If you’re a connoisseur of mediocrity and love to listen to Oasis for an entire night, head on over to 3200 24th Street and get your average on because THIS is your place.
Ratings (1 = Bad | X-Factor is weighted):
Cost: 3/5 PBRs
Bartenders: 2.5/5 PBRs
Bathrooms: 2.5/5 PBRs
Hotness: 2/5 PBRs
Music: 3/5 PBRs
Strangeness: 2/5 PBRs
X-Factor: 1/5 PBRs
Average: 2.5/5 PBRs
